Who's the Clown?

(Useless Press Incorporated, December 11, 2008, Denver, CO)

Newly installed Timberwolves head coach Kevin McHale announced after Wednesday's loss to Denver (116-105) that "Rimshot" Davis, a local Minnesota stand-up comedian and comedy writer, will be joining the team as Comedy Coordinator. "I think everyone can see after two games, that I'm not much of an X's and O's type of guy", commented McHale, when asked about the hiring. "I mean, not having a decent out of bounds play at the end of the Utah game, and last night when Carmelo [Anthony] went off for 33 against us, geez, I went into a zone to make Anthony shoot over the stop instead of a double team to try and get the ball out of his hands and make someone else beat us. In baseball terms, that would be a swing and a miss on my part. Realistically, even though I still have the highest winning percentage in Timberwolves history, I have only coached 33 games, so there's a lot to learn here. My humor and letting the guys have fun are the primary tools I have to help the replacements here, and maybe, just maybe if the real roster is watching, we get them back home. Rimshot's a funny guy, he also went to the U [University of Minnesota] back in the day, so I think I'll be able to trust him."

Davis, when reached by phone, said while this is the most unique situation he's been in, the money's good, and he has a plan. "Comedy is hard work and timing, much like basketball", he said. "It's knowing the particular audience you're trying to affect, and then when to say something. Using a line on an older referee, or Violet Palmer (the only female referee in the NBA), will be much different than saying something to a bunch of young players. We'll bring in content from the last 40 or so years, index it, do a little pre-game prep--call it a "laugh-a-round"--and then rely on Kevin's sense of delivery and timing to make it work. He's a true natural at this."

Glen Taylor, owner of the Timberwolves franchise, remains skeptical, but is willing to go along with the experiment for now. "As a rule, Republicans aren't very funny", said Taylor. "I mean, there was Bob Hope, and now Drew Carey, Dennis Miller, and maybe even Pat Sajak who's had some success, but on the whole, people laugh at us than with us, if you know what I mean. Where we generally get the last laugh is when we own the companies the real comedians work for. That always sobers them up. However, Rimshot's done a lot of private holiday parties for my other businesses, and he assures me that he can give Kevin all the material he needs to keep everyone loose. I hope the fans will recognize that we're pulling out all the stops to make our brand of basketball fun again. And, we want our real team to come home."

Davis will begin work immediately, in preparation for Friday's game with the San Antonio Spurs at Target Center, 7 pm.