Happy Christmas

Knightsbridge, London -

As with most places, London pretty much shuts down for Christmas Day. We took the time yesterday to purchase food and drink, so we wouldn't have to try to find overpriced meals at the hotel restaurants that remain open for their customers. Thus over a little brie and homemade bread, with English tea and coffee, I unwrap my presents to the Timberwolves organization, some in abstentia, given the status of our missing roster.

Obviously, it's been another tough year for the club. A lot of dashed hopes, unrealized dreams and, in Randy Wittman's (if not Don Overbeck's) case, a lack of continued employment. With multi-year, multi-million contracts for NBA coaches, and a club membership that will keep him gainfully employed as an assistant coach, front office executive, or scout until he retires, weep not for Wittman...he'll be fine. It's the paying fans who have suffered the most this year, having seen extensive roster movement in the summer and the promise of more wins, only to see once again the front office being exposed as--I say this with all due respect and British reservation--less than adequate.

However, generosity of spirit and hope is part of the Christmas tradition. In that context, for the second year running, despite being overseas and ringing up impressive shipping charges, I offer these presents for some of the Timberwolves players (both fake and replacement) and staff:

Al Jefferson - Similar to last year, the gift of consistent defense. It will be what separates you from Zach Randolph of the Clippers.

Randy Foye - The gift of fourth quarter clutch play. Big Al needs a running mate...and Fourth Quarter Foye could use a reappearance.

Ryan Gomes - The gift of energy. Since signing that significant contract over the summer, I don't see you as much anymore. Co-incidence?

Mike Miller - The gift of aggression. This is a bad team. You're a good shooter, and a mid-westerner. This team goes for stretches on end without being able to score. Be a good fellow and step it up...when your ankle heals.

Kevin Ollie - The gift of leadership. I'm told young players listen to veterans once in awhile, and this is a role you'd like to play. Are any of these guys listening...at all?

Kevin Love - The gift of a made basket off an offensive rebound. If you reject this gift young man, your NBA career will be mediocre at best. The Timberwolves obviously fibbed when they told us you had a 35 inch vertical jump; you must show guile and skill around the rim. For essentially the third pick in the last draft, fans will expect no less from you.

Rashad McCants - The gift of another team's employment. You sir, having rejected last year's gift of recognition, need to leave and see if another club can stir your passion and stifle your conceit. Right now, you're not that good.

Sebastian Telfair - As with last year, the gift of a consistent, outside shot. If at first you don't succeed...

Jason Collins - The gift of regular rotation time. You didn't ask to come here, and it's obvious you won't stay when your contract is over. You'll rust if you don't see a little burn now and then.

Brian Cardinal - The gift of...well, what I can give a player who already has more than he should have? Carry on, good sir.

Mark Madsen - See Brian Cardinal. The most I could give otherwise is a spot with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Rodney Carney - See Jason Collins. I kind of like you, you just need a little smoothing around the edges. If not here...good luck to you sir.

Craig Smith - See Al Jefferson. Your offensive skills are great, your defense blows. You must play taller than you are and make people adjust to you.

Corey Brewer - As with Randy Foye last year, the gift of healing. You showed progress until you got hurt. Heal well young man, and we'll see you next year.

Calvin Booth - The gift of continued employment and space for another tattoo. What else is there to say?

Our coaching staff, front office and broadcast crews:

Kevin McHale - I give you the Rashad McCants gift of recognition. Your basketball knowledge is immense, but your organizational awareness is poor. It's over; much like the GM executives, you don't know when it's over. If you bow out with dignity, it won't be long until you'll be one of us again, and can back slap and quip with the guys.

Glen Taylor - The gift of silent partnership. Hire someone qualified to run the club and stay out of their way. Your franchise is at stake, good sir.

Jim Petersen and Tom Hanneman - Stalwart team players, I give you the gift of honesty. We're smarter than you think, and when it comes to team quality, we've had it right the last couple of years. There's only so much you can spin.

Alan Horton and Kevin Lynch - Best wishes to you both. You're lucky to be where you are.

Wolves Assistant Coaches - The gift of networking. I think by the end of the year you may need it.

Jim Stack, Rob Babcock and Fred Hoiberg - Until further notice, I guess you're it. I give to you the gift of infallibility. For once, I'd like to see someone know what they're doing in these positions. All these draft choices, so little talent and time...

Well that's it for now. Seriously, in these troubled times and new hope awaiting us, I wish everyone the happiest of holidays. Be good to each other.