Randy WittmanDAVID MAXWELL/Getty Images
(December 2, 2008, Orlando, FL - Useless Press Incorporated)
For the first time in modern sports history, a professional basketball coach has lost his entire team. Head Coach Randy Wittman of the NBA's Minnesota Timberwolves, reported to Orlando police Tuesday afternoon that his entire team was no longer at Amway Arena, where they were going through a light practice before Wednesday's game with the Magic. 30 minutes after reporting the team missing, Wittman told a quickly assembled group of reporters that he was talking intensely about their 100-90 loss Monday night to the Charlotte Bobcats, turned his head briefly as a result of a loud bang heard in the foyer area, then found that his entire contingent of players were gone.
"I looked around in the lower section and locker rooms, thinking they were playing a joke on me", said an incredulous Wittman. "But, I couldn't find them anywhere. My assistants didn't see a thing, either. I'm simply flabbergasted."
Kevin McHale, Vice President of the Timberwolves who had been accompanying the team on this current road trip, petitioned to the league for cancellation of Wednesday's game, but the NBA executive board turned him down, offering instead to assemble a D-League roster and get them to Florida in time for the game. "They told me three of them look a lot like Big Al, Mike Miller and Randy Foye", explained McHale. "They mentioned that given our 4-12 start, they actually might be doing us a favor. I still think, if we can't find our original team, we should be able to win 30-35 games with whatever we're given."
Immediate steps were taken to perform a nationwide search for the Timberwolves roster. Anthony LaPaglia, star of the CBS series "Without a Trace", has been hired by the league to make two 60 second commercials pleading for the safe return of the roster. The 2008-2009 team photo has been given to milk producers all across the country to put on their cartons, in hope of generating some leads, as well as an 800 number being made available for citizens to call.
"This is a tragedy for sure", continued McHale. "As much as I am a huge fan of Randy's, no coach should lose an entire team like this. I just hope we find them in time to save the season, if not their careers."
If you have seen any of these players, or have information leading to the whereabouts of the Timberwolves roster, please call 1-800-Who-Left.
"I looked around in the lower section and locker rooms, thinking they were playing a joke on me", said an incredulous Wittman. "But, I couldn't find them anywhere. My assistants didn't see a thing, either. I'm simply flabbergasted."
Kevin McHale, Vice President of the Timberwolves who had been accompanying the team on this current road trip, petitioned to the league for cancellation of Wednesday's game, but the NBA executive board turned him down, offering instead to assemble a D-League roster and get them to Florida in time for the game. "They told me three of them look a lot like Big Al, Mike Miller and Randy Foye", explained McHale. "They mentioned that given our 4-12 start, they actually might be doing us a favor. I still think, if we can't find our original team, we should be able to win 30-35 games with whatever we're given."
Immediate steps were taken to perform a nationwide search for the Timberwolves roster. Anthony LaPaglia, star of the CBS series "Without a Trace", has been hired by the league to make two 60 second commercials pleading for the safe return of the roster. The 2008-2009 team photo has been given to milk producers all across the country to put on their cartons, in hope of generating some leads, as well as an 800 number being made available for citizens to call.
"This is a tragedy for sure", continued McHale. "As much as I am a huge fan of Randy's, no coach should lose an entire team like this. I just hope we find them in time to save the season, if not their careers."
If you have seen any of these players, or have information leading to the whereabouts of the Timberwolves roster, please call 1-800-Who-Left.
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